More Than A Bundle Story

Nalan Pekyorur – The Women Who Raised Each Other

Shines warmth and positivity, paving the way with nothing but encouragement and strength for her two daughters.

The common belief at the time with families were that their daughters either belonged with them or by their husband’s side. So, in 1973 at the spring of her youth, whilst only 17, Nalan married her husband and moved to London from Izmit, a small town in Türkiye. Away from her home in a land unfamiliar and far, they first moved to Haringey with two other families.

‘I’d always thought Izmit was a developed town until I arrived to London, then I realised I’d stepped out from what was like a village into a mega city. At first, being newlywed and away from home everything seemed so strange and far. I missed everything, from the dusty roads to the scent of my home. We befriended other Turkish families that were migrants like us, not because we didn’t want to mix with others but because language wouldn’t allow us to. I’d learnt a little English from when I was at school and at first, I thought it might get me by, but soon realised the amount of English I had wasn’t even enough to put together a few sentences. It was at the Greek factories where we developed most of our language skills, but still communicating with non-Turkish speakers was a challenge in itself. 

We’d go out shopping and at the time we only knew of Nejdet Bakkal that stocked Turkish goods and even that was limited, so we’d go to the Greek supermarkets.’

She breaks into laughter as we speak.

‘One day I needed meat, but of course I’m scared of buying pork, so I looked at the butcher, the butcher looked at me and when I noticed nobody else was looking I called out “meeeh meeeeh.” The butcher laughed, we both laughed, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the first to ask for lamb that way.’

Within a year of her arrival, she gave birth to her first daughter. Needless to say, becoming a mother is one of the most overwhelming experiences a woman can live. Whilst still trying to find her feet in this foreign territory, it was her older neighbour who took her under her wing and shed light and guidance as Nalan settled into becoming a mother. It was times like this when women stepped up and bridged the gap between uncertainties.

Growing up in the 80s I remember clearly no matter how loving and caring our fathers were it wasn’t uncommon for them to spend most of their free time at the all men’s café, pub or football. Maybe the women of the time preferred them being out the way, after all it was rare to see our dad’s back then offering to help with childcare or maintaining any duties around the house.

‘I’ve always seen myself as quite a brave person. When we first moved to London, I was happy to adapt to all the difficult working and living conditions but becoming a mother under those conditions just added higher hurdles we needed to learn to jump. I remember many times the baby would cry, so I’d sit and cry with her not knowing what to do. It was at times like this, my neighbour guided me into the first steps of motherhood. I needed that. I needed to be reminded, although we were far from home, it was the unity of women the togetherness and sisterhood that kept us strong and made sure we were never to feel alone.’

After having her second daughter and much consideration, they moved back to Türkiye, which of course was the original plan before they had set out on their expat journey. Only this decision was cut short with differences in the education system between the two countries and the girls wanting to come back to the UK.

It was in 1998, Nalan and her husband at the time, decided to move back to Türkiye one more time. In a society where most parents were too traditional or too frightened to give their daughters the freedom and independence to stand on their own feet, Nalan’s eyes only saw possibilities for her daughters. Admitting leaving the girls behind was the most difficult decision she had to make, but also acknowledging and respecting their needs and wants before her own.

I ask if she has any regrets moving to London,

‘Not one bit,’ she says. ‘Of course, it wasn’t easy and at the most difficult times I had my two daughters who motivated me at the worst of it. I came to London as a young inexperienced girl, not knowing what to expect. I left leaving behind two courageous and admirable daughters, I’m incredibly proud.’

The friendships she made when she first arrived to London are still going strong. 50 years on and she is neighbours with a small group of them in Türkiye.